I was reflecting on a question asked in an HBR Linked In discussion and thought I would share it with you as it is something dear and close to my heart – do you think conflict is a good thing?
I can honestly say I grew up wanting to keep the peace – seeing my mother “keeping” the peace. My natural personality preference sees me seeking harmony in relationships and disliking the uncomfortable feeling that I had grown up with when faced with conflict.
I have since learned that conflict is essential and it is GOOD and we can actually do much better if we actively ignite conflict rather than wait for it to erupt as it does – when the emotion and perceptions run rife! Notice I say I have “learned” – because I was not taught as a young person that conflict was good – the opposite – told to play nicely with my sister, told not to challenge my elders – lots of lessons were put in place for me to accept that people should not oppose each other!
I have come to appreciate and know that conflict is an essential part of life – business and personal; and it is a GOOD thing! When we label it a bad thing we tend to want to move away from it, bury it, ignore it and distract ourselves from it. Some leaders even go as far as to pride themselves on having teams that don’t experience conflict! To me this is a group of people who don’t have the courage to be “real” with each other – because when we are real, honest with what we are thinking and feeling then absolutely we MUST have conflict.
In fact it is good to actively encourage and ignite conflict because only then do we truly create collaboration and innovation! Without conflict there cannot be collaboration or innovation because we are not actively encouraging divergence of thinking and opinion! We are not seeking the opinions of all and wanting them to be real – without the fear of retribution.
So to answer the question that was initially posed – conflict IS a GOOD thing – it is our thinking and feeling about it that has made it a bad thing!!!
Ignite conflict I say!!!! Stop waiting for it to erupt as it does – make people feel safe to actively ignite it as it produces far better outcomes for everyone.
