Both giving and receiving feedback can be difficult and it is mostly our ‘humanness’ that gets in the way – we feel, we defend, we protect, we justify, we attack – all very common human traits that we need to work with and not against.
To work with these human traits we need to ensure we invest time and energy to prepare – prepare for giving feedback and prepare for receiving feedback. These conversations are always difficult and they are even more difficult when we enter into them ‘on the fly’.
Here are the top 5 reasons why feedback can be difficult
When giving feedback we find difficulty in finding the ‘right’:
1. language to express our thoughts and feelings
2. time to actually have the conversation
3. details to support what we sometimes ‘intuitively’ know to be true
4. way to monitor our emotions during the conversation while still having the courage to ‘keep it real’
5. approach for authentically bringing empathy into the conversation
When receiving feedback we find difficulty staying with the ‘right’:
1. mindset so we remain open to what we are hearing
2. intention as we ‘know’ feedback is our greatest learning tool and yet our instinct is to deny, defend and justify what we chose to do
3. thoughts and not allowing them to wander into other areas and therefore not truly paying attention to the messages being sent
4. approach to emotional resilience during the conversation – allowing our ‘fight or flight’ instinct to take over and prevent us from ‘being in the conversation’
5. examples and stories – wanting instead to divert to the ones that work for us and support our vision of self.
This is why it is always going to be critical to prepare for such conversations as our human traits continue to work against us and make these conversations difficult. So conscious choices are required and this takes time and energy to prepare so the conversation is constructive.
