Facilitating a leadership program with line managers we quickly switched into a conversation about the fact that their bosses/ leaders had participated in the program about two years ago and they had not seen the changes they expected. These participants went on to blame their boss for their choice in behaviour and “point the finger”. 
I encouraged the sharing to continue and invited them to explain exactly what was happening for them. I also asked them if they had in fact seen their boss attempt to do things differently how had they reacted. Overwhelmingly people shared that when their boss had tried to use different behaviours they often questioned their intent – perceiving them as putting on a facade to “pretend” they were trying to put what they learned into action!
I guided the conversation towards an exploration of what it might be like to stand in the shoes of their boss – the fear they might feel to challenge their existing – and what many would call highly successful – habits and invest in different behaviours only to be received by a person in their team questioning their intent.
I shared the story of a baby learning to walk – those first steps are very clumsy and they don’t perform with too much dexterity – and I validated that we don’t say to them wow that wasn’t very good, you better wait until you can execute that with some degree of proficiency – no, we put a hand of encouragement out. We praise them for trying. We don’t kick them down and judge their intent and performance.
I then equated this to the business world – when YOUR boss tries something new – they practice a new behaviour and you question their intent and receive their attempt very skeptically. So I challenged them to explore what might happen if they chose instead to adopt the principles of:
* don’t judge
* don’t question their intent
* don’t skeptically evaluate them.
I invited everyone to instead put the hand of encouragement out, praise them for trying and invite them to try again. There was an eerie silence in the room as this “clunked” down into their consciousness. I then naughtily said ” don’t kick the baby”……….and you know what………..they absolutely “got” this analogy and I hope you get it too !
We are far too quick to point the finger of blame – well our boss hasn’t changed enough so why should we? Just because they are the boss – doesn’t make it easier for them to change…..in many ways it makes it harder. And it is even harder when they are being judged by the members of their team.
So don’t kick the baby – put the hand of encouragement out, praise the attempt and actively support your boss to change the way they behave.
