This is an interesting topic – because most teams of people I work with want to avoid conflict at all costs. They don’t want the tension, they don’t want the anxiety, they don’t want the discomfort!
Yet as a very dear colleague once told me – a pearl is a thing of great beauty and it is produced from great irritation. This is
the same with conflict – irritation, anxieties and discomfort are absolutely critical to breakthrough thinking and collaborative outcomes. Diversity of thought means we experience differences, we experience “robust” conversations maybe even with raised voices……..remember passion plays out with raised voices and excitable energy! And instead of moving away we need to move towards it – we need to embrace it. If we come from a place of curiosity we can create amazing outcomes. Outcomes we would never have thought of as individuals!
To engage in conversations where conflict is inevitable and present then we need to:
- be emotionally present with what is happening in the conversation
- bring emotional resilience
- unleash our courage to say exactly what we are thinking and feeling
- drop judgment, blame and justification
- agree to feel pounding hearts as we share and appreciate every single person for the contribution they bring and the courage it took.
Most of all we need to leave RAE at the door to such conversations:
R – rank
A – authority
E – ego.
If people start to exert their authority or their ego then the conversation is shut down. So agree to leave RAE at the door and then call it when people don’t comply!!
This is not easy, it isn’t fun – it is REAL. Think of the place where most of us are able to be most real – our families – and this is exactly what we do. We share exactly what we are thinking and feeling. The piece sometimes missing is how to resolve it constructively – and that is where the five points above direct your energy so it doesn’t become destructive.
Courageous leaders move towards conflict.
