Over the last few weeks I have facilitated sessions on conflict and many people find it surprising that they can ignite and resolve conflict without feeling personally stressed or even overly emotional. Many of us avoid conflict for fear of others reactions and many times also for fear of “losing”.

Interestingly I have had participants suggest with surprised tones in their voices that they did not realize they had resolved conflict after participating in a scenario – because they believed everyone had positive energy and engaged constructively with each other. And this is exactly what people can do when they have emotional resilience and so come to these conversations with a desire to achieve a win-win outcome. They constructively identify the issue; then state their needs, concerns and feelings. Every person is encouraged to do this so the solution can encompass all needs, concerns and feelings. Engaging in this way feels energizing and inspiring and these are not feelings most of us associate with conflict!

I even had a group of participants own how much they had enjoyed being in conflict with each other – because the outcome had been an inspired product of differing opinions, needs, concerns and feelings.

Courageous leaders reshape their attitude toward conflict and see igniting it and resolving it as inspiring and energizing. Therefore they walk toward conflict not away from it.