My last post on giving and receiving feedback got me thinking about previous experiences. I have found that whilst facilitating workshops on giving feedback, participants claim their biggest takeaway is the importance of OWNING the feedback.
This tends to be exhibited by;
– using “I” statements
– sharing the personal impact of the other person’s behaviour.
For example instead of saying, “you were so quiet in that meeting. You really need to talk more”
You would say, “I really wanted to hear your opinion during that meeting and the impact of your silence is that I feel like we missed out on your input. That frustrates and disappoints me.”
What a difference is made when we own our feedback – in the example above the message is the same, but the delivery means the receiver of the feedback feels valued despite their recent lack of participation. They are being encouraged to have self-confidence by speaking up whilst also pointing out the impact of their behaviour.
Courageous leaders spend time preparing for the feedback conversation so that not only is it very clear that they own their feedback, but that the feedback is constructive.
